great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
