Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
