She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
