You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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