i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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