im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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