checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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