just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
