Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
