In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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