ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
