The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
