I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
