Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
