i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
