If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Come see our sink grown plant.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
