at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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