69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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