oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
