I wanna bring you to show and tell
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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