This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Mom said you looked used
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
