if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
