hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
