The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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