good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
