why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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