Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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