im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
