tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
