i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
