Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
