Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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