he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
