Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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