bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
