my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
