1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
