i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
