It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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