I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
