ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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