I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
