i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
