I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
