im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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