idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
