No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
