She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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