I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
