Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
