So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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