I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can tuck mytits in my pants
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
