One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
