i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
